Going to Glory

It's been far too long.

First, the show I've been working on for the past three weeks just closed. It was a phenomenal show and I'm very proud to have worked on it. I was very happy with the way my sound design turned out and how it was received, and I was overwhelmed by how well the show went over. It was stunning. I'm especially proud that one of my peers directed it, and eight of my peers acted in it. The talent that I am constantly surrounded with is incredible.

Ok. Enough of that. On to serious things.

Last August, both of my grandmothers were diagnosed with different types of cancer. Two weeks apart. That in itself was difficult for me to handle, but even harder was the fact that my paternal grandmother chose to forgo treatment entirely. She decided that at eighty, she had lived a full life and was ready to, in her words, "go to glory." How does one begin dealing with the fact that a loved one has decided to gracefully step out of this life and into another one? I wish I knew.

This past Monday my grandma Rita passed away. I have been very blessed up to this point in my life, in the respect that the only grandparent I lost, I never knew in the first place. In fact, I've never had a close family member pass away in my lifetime. My grandma Rita's husband, my grandpa John, died before I was born. Rita then remarried my step-grandpa Tom who has, for me, simply been grandpa Tom.

As far as I can tell, I'm fine, though at this point I'm very removed from the situation. I haven't seen my grandma since December, though I've talked to her on the phone and corresponded via the U.S. Postal Service. I'm at school at the moment with no way to get home until Thursday, just in time for the visitation. I can only imagine that when I get home, the weight of what has happened will hit me. At this point, nothing has.

The initial jolt of, "Grandma Rita passed away today," has passed and my life has gone on. It's had to. I have school work to do, friendships to maintain, and a future to look forward to. I like to think that grandma Rita would approve of this. She wasn't a very fussy woman (except when it came to grammar - I hope I'm serving her well, English major that I am), so I think she would have expected us to grieve briefly and move on.

Obviously, she was a strong and graceful woman to decide to "go to glory" in the way that she did. It was her decision all along. I can only hope that someday I will be as strong as her. I never intended for this blog to be a place for me to share my poetry, but I wrote something over the past few months after finding out that both of my grandmothers were sick. Here it is:

i’m holding on to every word
that i imagine You would say
if You were to pass this way
before you leave the world.

things like:
"I'll watch everything you
do
and be proud just the same
I'll watch everything you
do
And love you just the same."

we were never that close
but we were close enough.
though, it's next to impossible
for me to describe
the changes You have made
to my being.

You were and are
beautiful.
You are and will always be
beautiful.

You embody the word
mother
and are every bit as grand
as Your title implies.

i'll miss the little things.